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Archive for December, 2011

New Years Eve

New Years Eve. The day where we all sit around and say “Oh, where has the year gone?” or “This year has flown by!” or a comment to which effect where we can’t seem to establish the pace of passing time that year, whilst also opening our last box of Maltesers and scoffing them miserly in attempt to remove any possible temptations for next year. Of course, everyone sets themself a resolution to ‘diet’/’get fit’, but it never really lasts. Perhaps you’ll go for a jog everyday for about a week, but soon enough you’ll start making excuses as to why you can’t go one day, then something’ll ‘pop up’ the next, by which point the hype of a ‘new year, new beginning’ will have died out, and you’ll have completely forgotten about your resolution.  Also, there’s always that dick that will update their status to ‘new year, new me’, as if their personality is magically going to change over night, just because the date has changed. BULLSHIT. Come back to me in a week, and I bet you 50 quid you’re still the same cunt you were last year. Anyway, to me, all this hype and excitement about the new year seems sort of pointless. If you really wanted to change something in your life, you wouldn’t wait till the new year to do it.

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Maybe turning 16 is as big a deal as it’s made out to be…

Today is my 16th. Am I supposed to feel mature, older, responsible?… ‘Cause I don’t. Being 16 feels exactly the same as being 15, except I can now buy lottery tickets.

There’s something mildly depressing about actually having the time to blog on my birthday. But it’s a Sunday, so that’s forgivable, right?

Anyway, as I am now 16, I’m probably supposed to look back on my life, reminisce and say “oh, those were the good ol’ days”. But I can’t say they were. Of course up to about 11, I was innocent and lovely and cute. But when I look back on my teenage years, all I feel is regret and embarrassment. I remember going through those stages, where I was desperate to be anything but myself. It sounds corny, but I think it’s true. I used to try to follow fashion trends, and never realised how much of a twat I looked. A hoody, leggings and ugg boots? What the hell was I thinking?! Ugh and taking those cringy pictures where I’d squint and pull retarded faces thinking I was cute. I just look back and am overwhelmed with shame. I probably shouldn’t be, I was just a kid, I didn’t know any better. But still, it embarrasses me, no matter how much I try to justify my actions.
Anywho, now I’m 16, I feel like I know who I am and where I belong. It hasn’t come suddenly, but over this past year I’ve really started to develop into something I’m comfortable with. I’ve started a blog, took up playing guitar, gained good music taste, and am actually content with my appearance. I’m not saying I’m happy with what I am as such, but I feel like I’m past that stage where I’m constantly trying to impress everyone. Admittedly, I still care about my appearance and how I come across, but I’m way more comfortable with myself and less paranoid about being ‘accepted’. I think I’ve learnt that it’s so not worth being something you’re not just to be popular or whatever.

I know I’ll look back on this post in a year and cringe to death, even so, I just needed to get it out my system. I’m off to the shop to buy a lottery ticket, now, ’cause I’m 16, y’know.