Today is my 16th. Am I supposed to feel mature, older, responsible?… ‘Cause I don’t. Being 16 feels exactly the same as being 15, except I can now buy lottery tickets.
There’s something mildly depressing about actually having the time to blog on my birthday. But it’s a Sunday, so that’s forgivable, right?
Anyway, as I am now 16, I’m probably supposed to look back on my life, reminisce and say “oh, those were the good ol’ days”. But I can’t say they were. Of course up to about 11, I was innocent and lovely and cute. But when I look back on my teenage years, all I feel is regret and embarrassment. I remember going through those stages, where I was desperate to be anything but myself. It sounds corny, but I think it’s true. I used to try to follow fashion trends, and never realised how much of a twat I looked. A hoody, leggings and ugg boots? What the hell was I thinking?! Ugh and taking those cringy pictures where I’d squint and pull retarded faces thinking I was cute. I just look back and am overwhelmed with shame. I probably shouldn’t be, I was just a kid, I didn’t know any better. But still, it embarrasses me, no matter how much I try to justify my actions.
Anywho, now I’m 16, I feel like I know who I am and where I belong. It hasn’t come suddenly, but over this past year I’ve really started to develop into something I’m comfortable with. I’ve started a blog, took up playing guitar, gained good music taste, and am actually content with my appearance. I’m not saying I’m happy with what I am as such, but I feel like I’m past that stage where I’m constantly trying to impress everyone. Admittedly, I still care about my appearance and how I come across, but I’m way more comfortable with myself and less paranoid about being ‘accepted’. I think I’ve learnt that it’s so not worth being something you’re not just to be popular or whatever.
I know I’ll look back on this post in a year and cringe to death, even so, I just needed to get it out my system. I’m off to the shop to buy a lottery ticket, now, ’cause I’m 16, y’know.